The Heavy

When I first started writing this blog, I made it very clear that my motivation for running was purely of a vain nature.  That, and the dress. Since I’ve started running, THE dress is now one of many dresses (and other assorted clothing) that I can’t get so much as an elbow in without assistance or am just too afraid to try on less I need the jaws of life to get out!  What I’m getting at people is, that I seem to be gaining weight (at an alarming rate, might I add) and I’m none too happy about it.  

Yes, I know, I’m “rebuilding my body.” “Muscle weighs more than fat.”  Blah, blah, blah. But cut me some slack here!  How much longer before this thing evens itself out?  I mean I have been careful to stay away from the sugar and the fried stuff.  I’ve all but OD’ed on salad. I’m drinking so much water you can hear it sloshing around inside of me on any given day.  So what EXACTLY is the problem?  

And maybe I wouldn’t be quite so sensitive this early in the game, if everywhere I went weren’t teeming with full size mirrors.  I went to yoga the other day and spent 90 minutes staring in the mirror at the “fun house” me trying to figure out when it got that bad and how do I make it stop!  No one would believe (myself included) that just a few short months ago I was 20 lbs lighter.  Yup, thanks to a harsh and inactive winter and a mother who believes love and banana pudding are synonymous, I woke up one morning unable to put my socks on without breaking a sweat.  

And I get it! I’m not bemoaning how I got here. I’m just trying to figure out how to get out of here.  Running was supposed to be my ace in the hole!  A chance to improve my cardiovascular health AND get me in that dress!  Sure, I can run for 12 minutes straight, but I can’t walk up a hill without rubbing the skin off my inner thighs!  Where is the balance?

Am I being a baby?  Probably. But I’m also quite sure that I’m not the only beginner frustrated at the lack of physical progress. And I know deep down that change takes time. But after weeks of aching muscles and the not so pleasant scent of sports creme, is it really too much to ask for some small sign that it’s paying off?  

Sigh.  

I’m sure many of you will think I’m just being silly.  And maybe you’re right. These things don’t happen over night. And honestly, I really like running.  I do!  I enjoy the challenge it brings;  the pushing my body a little further than I ever thought possible.   I guess I  just wish I could push my body a little further into that dress to bring this thing full circle, you know?

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